Saturday, May 1, 2010

Tales from the Clinic

OK, every job has a few tales to tell about strange things that have happened.
Here are a few of mine.

Friday a patient comes in to see a colleague. She is worried that the rotisserie chicken she ate has a tumor inside and she is "infected " with cancer. She brings in the chicken carcass for my colleague to inspect in a tupperware container. What do you do with this? Send her to the Health Dept, or show her someone forgot to gut the chicken before roasting? True.

A woman tells me she has trouble with her vaginal hormones.They are are tiny white pills that are on an six inch applicator with a half inch plunger tip. They are pre loaded. You are supposed to insert the pill into the vagina. She says she places the pill at the entrance to the vagina and they fall out. In fact one fell out in a parking garage the other day. It seems this grandmother wasn't wearing any panties. A man looked down and saw the pill ( that had now plumped up from being near but not quite in her vagina) and
bent down. He picked it up and asked her if it was a marshmallow. True. Remember your mother told you not to pick up food from the floor. That's why. I told her the applicator is meant to go into the vagina more than an inch. She said "Ohhhh".

The nurse tells a woman to disrobe and put the gown on over her head. I go into the exam room to see a woman stark naked with the gown wrapped around her head like a turban. OK, now I am supposed to remain cool. I nearly peed my pants while I grabbed a drape sheet and covered the woman.

I come into the exam room. A woman has two  blue exam gloves covering her feet. Her toes are nicely placed into each finger. She looks like the Penguin from Batman. She says she doesn't like anyone to look at her feet. She wore flip flops with her outfit. Go figure.

I can't wait till Monday.

Until next time....


  1. Hilarious! The turban story actually made me laugh out loud.

  2. well I was supposed to be cool, this happened years ago and I remember it like yesterday............