Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Low Desire, The Sexual Doldrums

First, let me say that women and men are different. 

To some people this comes as a surprise.

Sometimes it seems we expect men and women to think and act the same. We are wired differently for different reasons. In the evolution of the species, Darwin theorized that there was survival of the fittest. That meant that stronger, healthier, smarter individuals lived and reproduced. Males needed to be at the ready in case they came across a receptive female.Females chose who to allow to father their offspring, selecting the best male according to her criteria.

Fast forward to modern times. Women no longer need men. We are independent, educated and earning.
Want a baby? Order out from the sperm bank. However, WE WANT MEN. To have and to hold.

You get the idea.

 Now to sex.

Research tells us that the biggest turn on for a man or a woman is a new partner. Remember those days? Hot , hot, hot! Then things settle down, and after 15 years nothing new has happened in your bedroom. You get the come hither and know exactly how the next 20 minutes of your life will be spent.He does this, I do that, etc, etc.etc. 

NO NO! Boring sex is not something we look forward to.
It is something we endure. 

Now, the truth is that most men are terrified of women, and sexual rejection is about as bad as it gets for them. They will stick with the tried and true forever. Do they like your meatloaf? Will they eat it every day of the week? Will you throw the pan out the window by Thursday? You betcha.

Women thrive on variety and men on constancy. We live at cross purposes. You have to be the one to initiate novelty into the bedroom. How are you going to do that? 

Be the new partner.

FIND THAT Twenty something that is hiding inside you. You know, the one with the red hair , high heels, and tight black dress. She is some woman! Bring her out and let her loose. 

My late husband loved his cars. A trip to the car wash was worthy of a date. So one Valentine's Day we are driving home from work and he turns into the car wash. He plunks down his money, and we drive in. The bubbles spray over the windows, and the next thing you know, my bra is hanging from the rear view mirror.

I nearly killed him right there. WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? He asked. WHOOPEE in the CAR WASH, says I. 
You know, he never got into a car with me again without thinking twice, what I might do next. :)

So find your muse, she is there inside you. If your run out of whack o ideas, there are whole books written for seduction scenes with titles like 1001 nights of Great Sex, etc. You get it. Make sure your man knows that the sun rises and sets in his pants, and you will be one happy girl. NO more boring anything. You have given him the big green light to spice things up.

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