Low Desire, The Sexual Doldrums

First, let me say that women and men are different. 

To some people this comes as a surprise.

Sometimes it seems we expect men and women to think and act the same. We are wired differently for different reasons. In the evolution of the species, Darwin theorized that there was survival of the fittest. That meant that stronger, healthier, smarter individuals lived and reproduced. Males needed to be at the ready in case they came across a receptive female.Females chose who to allow to father their offspring, selecting the best male according to her criteria.

Fast forward to modern times. Women no longer need men. We are independent, educated and earning.

Want a baby? Order out from the sperm bank. However, WE WANT MEN. To have and to hold.

You get the idea.

 Now to sex.

Research tells us that the biggest turn on for a man or a woman is a new partner. Remember those days? Hot , hot, hot! Then things settle down, and after 15 years nothing new has happened in your bedroom. You get the come hither and know exactly how the next 20 minutes of your life will be spent.He does this, I do that, etc, etc.etc. 

NO NO! Boring sex is not something we look forward to.

It is something we endure. 

Now, the truth is that most men are terrified of women, and sexual rejection is about as bad as it gets for them. They will stick with the tried and true forever. Do they like your meatloaf? Will they eat it every day of the week? Will you throw the pan out the window by Thursday? You betcha.

Women thrive on variety and men on constancy. We live at cross purposes. You have to be the one to initiate novelty into the bedroom. How are you going to do that? 

Be the new partner.

FIND THAT Twenty something that is hiding inside you. You know, the one with the red hair , high heels, and tight black dress. She is some woman! Bring her out and let her loose. 

My late husband loved his cars. A trip to the car wash was worthy of a date. So one Valentine's Day we are driving home from work and he turns into the car wash. He plunks down his money, and we drive in. The bubbles spray over the windows, and the next thing you know, my bra is hanging from the rear view mirror.

I nearly killed him right there. WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? He asked. WHOOPEE in the CAR WASH, says I. 

You know, he never got into a car with me again without thinking twice, what I might do next. :)

So find your muse, she is there inside you. If your run out of whack o ideas, there are whole books written for seduction scenes with titles like 1001 nights of Great Sex, etc. You get it. Make sure your man knows that the sun rises and sets in his pants, and you will be one happy girl. NO more boring anything. You have given him the big green light to spice things up.

Honeymoon Cystitis or Sex is Not Free

In the good old days when sex ( ok, intercourse...sex is a lot more as we know) was delayed until the honeymoon, it took about three days for the new bride to show up with

HONEYMOON CYSTITIS,

or commonly known as an acute bladder infection.

It turns out  for women, that if you have sex, you will introduce bacteria into the bladder pretty much 100%. However most women don't get a bladder infection. They empty the bladder, and are fine. New brides had another problem.

The honeymoon period was reserved for newlyweds to invent sex.

After all that sex, the poor bladder gets overwhelmed and some women get HONEYMOON CYSTITIS. Ask cruise ship doctors. They have seen it all.

The evolution takes place with current sexual practice, which does not necessarily wait for benefit of clergy.

This is known as NEW MAN SYNDROME.

This presents as an unwelcome intrusion into your happy state of being after having clicked with a New Man. About a week later the bladder infection presents itself along with some strange odor "down there". You instantly worry about the dragon eggs prior lovers have graciously bestowed as a gift that keeps on giving.


For those of you who don't know about dragon eggs. A short aside. A dragon egg is something someone leaves behind to explode and catch fire after their departure. This is a phenomenon from an ex, a prior coworker, a relative, you get the idea. They are gone but not forgotten.


You scramble to see the gyn. She/he asks if there is a new partrner, at which time the lightbulb is visible above your head. YES you answer . Ah Ha, says the gyn. NEW MAN SYNDROME.


A urinalysis and std check is in order "just to be safe" and then treatment for the infection. A knowing nod from your gyn, letting you know that your new man is just that, new, and things tend to settle down, make you feel better.


So , for now, the notion that sex is free is slowly waning. You figure out he needs to wine and dine you, pay attention to you and perhaps wait some unwritten amount of time before he becomes your new man. You have various levels of upkeep, check ups, eyebrows, nails, hair and general gorgeous maintenence and make him wait the prescribed period of time. You get it.

Sex is not free.